Fish for Christmas
by writer writing
Summary: An evil Santa, exploding presents, and a burnt turkey all make up a normal Christmas in Smallville.


A/N: This was a fic I wrote last year for the DI exchange for a poster called Lucy.

They were going to have the perfect Christmas Eve dinner. It was their first Christmas as a married couple. The family niceties weren't until tomorrow, so they were going to have their own private affair tonight. This included making dinner together.

"Do you know why you can't cook well?" Clark asked as Lois performed the relatively safe task of spraying whipped cream on the cookies and sticking plump red cherries in the center.

"Why?" Finished with the cookies, she sprayed the rest of the whipped cream into her glass of eggnog. She shook the can vigorously making sure she got every last drop.

He pointed to the trashcan of burned cookies. He'd let Lois put the first batch of cookies in the oven and it hadn't been successful. "You're too impatient."

"I'm not impatient. How was I supposed to know doubling the temperature doesn't get it baked in half the time? It was an honest mistake."

"You're not impatient? Says the woman who already snuck through the apartment and found all of her Christmas presents?"

"Hey, I gave you yours early too. It was perfectly fair."

He laughed, not only because of her poor attempt at self-defense, but because she had gotten some of the whipped cream on her nose when she had taken a drink. He set the turkey into the oven and then put his arms around her, kissing the whipped cream off of her nose.

Then he moved down to her lips and kissed her deeply. After he pulled away, he licked his lips, "Mmm, eggnog my favorite." He slipped his hands under her waistband.

She smiled. "If it makes you this frisky, maybe I should make eggnog a year-round drink."

He smiled before picking her up and carrying her into the bedroom.

He slipped off her green turtleneck sweater before he laid her on the bed. She made quick work of his red plaid shirt, but not before stroking the soft flannel.

"And you said you didn't like plaid," he said with a grin, picking up on her fondness for the shirt. He hardly ever wore it anymore.

"I don't. That's why I'm getting rid of it," she said with an answering grin and then she threw it on the floor.

"Well, if that's the excuse we're using, I don't like any of your clothes," he said as he unsnapped her bra.

She unbuttoned his jeans and jerked the zipper down, "You could stand a wardrobe change yourself."

They couldn't help laughing as their lips came together.

sss

She slipped on the red silk robe that Clark had gotten her for Christmas. Clark put on his Rudolph boxers, a gift from Lois.

"You know it's a shame to have to cover these up," he said with a laugh as he reached for his pants.

"Then don't," she said, pulling his pants away from him. "I like to look at reindeer."

"I'm not so sure it's the reindeer you like to look at," he said teasingly.

He gave the look that said someone was screaming for his help, but that he hated to interrupt their quality time together.

"Go," she instructed.

He quickly changed into his Superman costume. "It's local, so I should be back pretty quick."

She put her sweater and jeans back on, cursing all the while that she couldn't whip into her clothes like he could. She threw her coat on, stuffed her gloves in her pocket, grabbed her keys, then she ran for their car that was parked in front of their apartment building. She started going in the general direction she had seen him fly. If there was a good story, she wasn't going to miss it.

She hadn't been on the road 5 minutes when he tapped on the glass in his regular clothes while she was stopped at a traffic light.

"It was a false alarm," he told her as he climbed into the passenger side.

"False alarm?" she echoed curiously.

"Some lady was trying to say that a toy she bought was a bomb."

"And?"

"There wasn't really any damage other than to the toy and it was an electronic. I mean it could be a bomb I guess, but it was a pretty small one if it was. It seems more likely it was just a bad toy."

"Hmm."

"You don't think so?"

"I think there's a story there either way. Whoever made it put a defective toy onto the market. Don't you think the company deserves a write-up about it?"

"It was one toy and what about our Christmas celebration? We're not supposed to be working today."

"I know. Let's just go back to the mall and talk to people at the toy store and see what company it was. Maybe we can tackle it after Christmas."

"Okay," he agreed.

"You know what I was thinking? It is Christmas Eve. You should have worn your Rudolph boxers over your Superman suit. Show that even superheroes get into a festive spirit."

"I can imagine the controversy something like that would create," he said wryly.

She laughed. "That's very true. Remember last year when the Daily Star wrote you up for saying Merry Christmas to that person you rescued?"

"Don't remind me. But in my defense, I wished him a Happy New Year too."

"The politically correct term is Happy Holidays, dear," she said in her best teacher-like voice.

"And you're politically correct? I seem to remember you telling the Salvation Army bell ringer 'up yours' a couple of days ago when he tried to coax more money out of you. Where was the Happy Holidays then?"

She grinned.

"That's what I thought."

They made their way through the crowded mall and into the toy store. It seemed like there was more people stuffed in there than the entire mall put together.

Lois pushed her way to the boy at the cash register, dragging Clark unwillingly by the hand, and making a lot of people angry in the process. "Sorry, emergency. Emergency."

"What do you know about defective toys?" she demanded as soon as she reached the counter.

The acne-ridden teenager stared at them blankly.

"Have people been returning toys that have fried?" she asked.

He shook his head in puzzlement.

"Can we see the manager, please?" she said impatiently.

The boy looked alarmed. Clark apologized for her. "We're just looking around for potential stories because we're reporters. We're sorry to take your time. We'll be going now. Merry Christmas. I mean Happy Holidays," he quickly amended.

"Why did you do that?" she asked with annoyance once they were outside the toy store.

"He didn't know anything and I'm sure the manager wouldn't have known anything. It's one woman as far as we know and who knows? Maybe the toy didn't even come from there. Maybe it came from Radio Shack."

While rolling her eyes, she spotted the mall Santa. "I don't like the looks of him."

He followed her line of vision and laughed. "Bad experience as a child? What do you have against Santa?"

"I'm serious. He has shifty eyes and I don't like the way he holds the children like he doesn't like them."

"He's probably just afraid they'll have an accident while he's holding them."

"Even the bigger kids? I don't know."

"Well, how about you have a Santa stakeout? I want to go over to the food court and get a cake for Mom's party tomorrow."

She waved her hand in a shooing manner, keeping her eyes on the Santa. He kissed her on the cheek before heading for the food court. She continued to watch Santa. She eyed his bag of presents suspiciously. Every time a child left he handed them one. That alone seemed unusual because they were fancy wrapped boxes rather than the traditional coloring book or candy cane. He could just be a rich man giving back to the community at Christmastime, but she couldn't shake the bad feeling she had about him.

At last she decided to take some action and get definite proof. "May I see that toy, ma'am?" she asked when a mother and child came by.

The woman sneered down her nose. "Do I look like I was born yesterday? Go talk to Santa if you want a toy and leave me and my little boy alone." Just in case Lois didn't get the picture, she pulled out a can of mace from her black cashmere, fur-lined coat and held it in a threatening manner.

Lois turned away with a roll of her eyes. People in the city were too cynical and thought every stranger was a criminal. She realized that included herself but it was an annoying trait when you wanted a little bit of help or cooperation. If this had been Smallville, the person would have likely smiled and let her look at it or threw it to the ground with a cry of, "Why? Is there a meteor rock in there?"

A police officer with a little girl came by and Lois saw her chance. "Officer, would you mind taking a closer look at that present you were given? I think there's reason to suspect that there may be something wrong with it."

They stepped outside onto the snowy sidewalk. "Would you mind taking Elizabeth and standing back please?"

Lois moved back with the little girl.

He put the red and gold wrapped box up to his ear and then smelled it.

"Santa said not to open it until Christmas morning," the little girl insisted.

Lois bent down and got eye-level with the child, "Sweetheart, don't worry about it. That man wasn't Santa. He was only pretending. The real Santa is packing presents up in his sleigh and getting ready to take off."

"Oh," the girl gasped. "I knew that. It is Christmas Eve."

"Exactly," she said and stood back up to see what the officer thought.

"I'm afraid this is definitely a—," he eyed his little girl, "dangerous package." He pulled out his cell phone and called headquarters. "This is Officer Addington. I need backup. I'm at the Metropolis Mall. We have a situation."

His car wasn't far and he carefully tucked it in his car and then they hurried back inside. He dropped his daughter off at the daycare spot as they went back in.

As soon as the Santa spotted the police officer and Lois staring at him, he knew it meant trouble. He stood up, knocking a 3 year old boy on his lap onto the floor, who was unhurt but crying at being dropped by Santa, and then he took off in a mad dash. He had grabbed the sack though. He tore through a 'Keep the Christ in Christmas' banner that a church had hung over their hot chocolate fundraiser stand in his attempt to escape.

'If that isn't ironic, I don't know what is,' Lois thought dryly as she and the police officer chased the heavyweight man through the mall, thinking of the poetry of it in an article.

Unfortunately the mall was thick with last-minute shoppers, so the police officer couldn't use his gun and they quickly lost sight of him.

The police officer kept running, but Lois stopped to catch her breath. Clark caught up with Lois, "What's going on?"

"I was right that Santa was no good. You have to catch him. He shouldn't be hard to spot in a Santa suit. His sack has explosives."

Clark had given her the cake to hold and had started running off right after she said catch him, although he still heard all that she said and she knew that he did, so she hadn't stopped talking.

The Santa had made it outside when Superman caught up and was running along the river that stood next to the mall. The Santa didn't seem to have powers, so catching him wasn't going to be a problem, but then he threw his sack of presents out onto the water.

Clark knew he had to get them as it was dangerously close to a boat. The brightly colored packages bobbled mockingly on the water like toy sailboats. Then they were gone. Bubbles erupted from down below the water, signaling the bombs were going off. Aquaman surfaced.

"Am I glad to see you," Superman said.

"Looks like we have to help Santa before the bro gets a bad reputation," Aquaman replied.

Superman quickly flew and caught the man as he was getting into his car. Aquaman came running and Superman waited until he got there and then pulled down Santa's beard.

"Toyman, I should have known," Superman said.

Aquaman shook his head, "What is it with this dude and toys?"

Toyman glared at both of the superheroes

Officer Addington found them and handcuffed Toyman. "Thank you, Superman, Aquaman."

Squads of cars were pulling into the parking lot, lights flashing and casting a red and blue glow over the snow.

Superman and Aquaman knew it was far from over. There were children with packages ready to go off when they were opened on Christmas morning.

"How are we going to find all those little tykes with presents?" A.C. asked, trying to keep the worry out of his voice. "They're low grade bombs. Some may not do anything but destroy the toys, but for a little person, it could prove fatal and at the very least, cause some serious burns."

Clark didn't bother to try and hide his worry, "I don't know, but we have to act fast. If I know Lois, she hasn't been sitting still and waiting. Let's see if she found anything out."

sss

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but unless you have a badge, you ain't getting in there."

"Little kids could die in the morning if you don't let me in there. It's an emergency."

"The police can view the videos when they get up here. I'm going to give you one more chance to leave," he warned, "but if you continue to harass me, I'll make sure the police take you with them." He saw the approaching figures. "Superman, Aquaman, thank heavens! This woman is insane."

"She is that," Aquaman agreed with a wink at Lois.

"But she's right," Superman told him. "This is an emergency. May we see the tapes?"

"Of course," he said, unlocking the door. "Go right in."

Lois followed the two superheroes in while the man waited outside.

"Of course. Go right in," she mimicked. "Will people give you anything if you put on a pair of tights and give yourself a stupid name?"

"Didn't you come up with Clark's name?" Aquaman asked.

"Shut up," she replied.

"It's a great idea to check the security tapes, Lois. We can see how many were given out." Clark said as he found the right spot when Toyman arrived. "Look, it appears as if the mall Santas changed guard after lunch. He's only been handing them out for 2 hours."

"The security guard did tell me that he was a new Santa, so we don't have to worry about checking for other days," Lois said.

"I'll fast-forward through the tape and write down how many packages there are loose. Then I'm going to ask to listen to that package that's in police custody. Maybe there's something in them that I can listen for. I could simply x-ray all the houses in Metropolis, but that's going to be a slow way to do it and I'd have to memorize what they look like. I don't think I'd get them all in time."

While Clark was doing that, A.C. called Bart to come and help and then he told Clark, "I'll just wait with Lois. Keep her from going stir-crazy and I've got some Christmas shopping I still need to do that she can help me with. I wouldn't be much help in getting the packages in time without super speed."

"That's a good idea," he said, watching his wife pacing. "I'm going to have the police help too. We should be done in plenty of time."

They managed to find all the packages in 3 hour's time. It could have been faster, but they had to explain to everyone why they were taking the packages. They couldn't just break in.

Bart left. Clark, dressed normally, joined Lois and A.C., who was also in his regular clothes, back at the mall and told them of their success.

"The turkey!" Lois suddenly cried.

Clark cringed, then hurried to dispose of the black and smoking turkey. He came back, confirming its demise. "I'm sorry, Lois. I know how much the dinner meant to you, to us."

"It's not your fault," she said with a sigh, "but is it too much to ask the criminals and villains of the world to take one freaking day off?"

"You're always welcome to join me," A.C. offered with a smile. "My meal wasn't sacrificed for the greater good."

sss

30 minutes later, they were gathered around A.C.'s kitchen table.

"What a way to spend Christmas, eating fish. Merry Christmas to me," she commented as she stared at the large fish, who though dead, was starting back. "And you didn't even bother to chop its head off before bringing it to the table."

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with fish," A.C. insisted. "It's biblical, making it very Christmassy. Too many people go for the birds."

"Biblical, my foot," she grumbled.

"And on top of that there are a lot of countries where eating fish for Christmas is actually traditional," Clark put in.

"Well, this isn't one of them."

A.C. shook his head and laughed, "I don't know whether you're the one that got away or if I should thank Clark for taking you."

She scoffed, "I chalk our relationship up to me banging my head on the dock."

"Don't feel insulted," Clark told A.C. "I apparently spent all those years with Lana because I hit my head crashing to earth."

"Which he has done more than once," Lois commented. "It's the only way to explain that drama. And I'll tell you one thing, A.C., if we had gotten together, you wouldn't still be wearing that orange and green. You didn't buy one outfit I suggested while we were at the mall."

He glanced down at his orange and green suit and smiled at her age-old complaint.

"I mean your costume is orange and green and you wear those colors on an almost daily basis. What kind of disguise is that? I hate to tell you this, but there's not too many people in the world who would go with that color combination. It's bound to raise suspicion."

"There's not too many people who can pull it off like I can," he said with a grin.

"Oh, please. I don't think there's anyone alive that can pull off that color combination. Fortunately, Clark learned how to dress. He was wearing red and blue on an almost daily basis before I got a hold of him."

"I learned how to dress?" He turned to A.C. "If I show up to work not dressed appropriately, she steals one of our coworker's suits, throws it and me into the phone booth. Guards the door, which I'm not sure if it's to keep others out or me in, and waits until I come out appropriately attired."

A.C. was doubled over laughing.

"That was one time and he showed up on the job in a plaid shirt. What was I supposed to do?"

He laughed even harder.

She shook her head in annoyance. Then she cut a piece of fish and picked it up with her fork. Clark and A.C. did the same.

"Here's to fish, Christmas, and good friends," A.C. said, raising his fork. Clark and Lois raised their forks too and clashed them together like they were making a toast.

"May we have it all in plenty," Clark added.

The End


End file.
